


The Two Idiots Of Skyrim

by Roastedoranges



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Action/Adventure, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Fluff, Romance, call me mary sue all you want but let me l i v e, i'll tag more later on as the chapters go by ayyyy, y'all i'm crying in the club i'm actually writing something here for once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-20 20:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14268462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roastedoranges/pseuds/Roastedoranges
Summary: Two people, two dreams, one faction. The vampire and jester are in search for something in their lives and they'll do anything to find it! But also work for the Dark Brotherhood and satisfy their Night Mother and Sithis himself.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> LORT I am writing this for fun, don't mind me. I'll update it as much as I can.
> 
> Please keep rude comments to yourself if you hate OC/Canon, please. Lmao.

It is simply put that a vampire would never take a jester's existence seriously. Which is true, vampires hate jesters for their lack of intelligence and common sense. However just because people consider it that all vampires are like that as a whole, this one in particular clearly did not give a damn. Her elegant appearance was already noticeable as it seemed, her dark grey skin and her jet black hair, her clothes were always in the advanced ways of complex patterns in black and white, her black lips that had fangs poke out from her upper row of teeth, her soft face of dark purity, and the eyes of void but have a flicker of light within them to prove she is still yet alive. She was the definition of rich beauty; nobility. Many men desire her figure, to pluck her like fruit on a tree. Though currently, she is yet ready to open herself to this nord. Her thin fingers creeping up to his chest and up to his face, admiring his bold and robust body. A smile so gentle creeps on the vampire's face.  
"Oh, but you silly nord, aren't you aware that we bite?" She teased, giggling as the stranger nuzzled his face between her shoulder, his hands behind her as she was laying on the bed with him above. "I could care less how sharp your fangs may be, dark rose, as long as I have a chance with you, I'll be fine." He responds in confidence. She snickered, her hands reaching from behind his back. It was a moment of silence and all to hear was kisses left on each other's skin. But as it grew quiet, another noise invades the room. The vampire does not focus, and when the Nord heard any noises he was quickly pulled away and back to the woman's lips. As their love began to blossom and the nord quietly began to slip the woman's sleeves off her dress, it was stopped by the sudden daggers jabbed behind him. His cry was instantly muffled by the maiden's hands. He struggled, but someone had him clutched in between. The vampire smiled as the nord's body was tossed aside, revealing a small jester who's smile was abnormally huge. "About time you showed up, Cicero." She began, getting up as she fixed herself up again. Cicero chuckled, kicking his feet. "Oh, Listener, sorry for the delay! Cicero saw the Innkeeper was selling sweetrolls!" He clapped his hands together, grinning like an absolute madman. The 'Listener' rolled her eyes. "That's very nice, Cicero. But remember to focus on your job and keeping me alive, gotcha?"  
"Yes, Listener, of course, of course!" Cicero bowed, chuckling away. The Listener shook her head, looking down at the corpse. “He is so weak for a lousy nord! Dying so quickly…” She kicked the body, seeing it limp. “That’s because I stabbed him in the spine, Listener!” Cicero nodded, kneeling down to the nord’s body and shuffling his pockets to take anything useful. The Listener blinked, and went to kneel beside Cicero, holding up the still being. “He’s still warm.” She whispered, leaning to the nord’s neck and chomping her fangs into him, taking as much blood as she could. Cicero watched in awe, almost as if he never seen such creature feast before. When she was done, she dropped the drained body, wiping the remains off her lips. She looked more at ease now.  
“Listener, suppose we go back to the sanctuary?” Cicero asked, taking the nord’s gold pouch. She tapped her chin, humming in thought. “Suppose we’ll head back, then. Yet another long trip, yes? No problem. Let’s go home.” The listener took all her things and dragged the body into a closet, throwing him in and closing it, putting a lock on the handle. “There, now someone will have to deal with that issue themselves.” She chuckled, turning to Cicero and gesturing him to follow along. The jester skipped behind her, mumbling some tune to himself.

These two are the stubborn fools of Skyrim, hell, maybe Tamriel itself. The Listener, the Vampire Lord, and the Dragonborn , all in one. Her name is Magnificent, the Dark Elf girl who has a dream of being the legend that the entire world will know. She wants to be everyone’s greatest ally, but also be one of their worst enemies. Her heart is bright, but her appearance isn’t as bright as her own will. The Keeper, the Fool of Hearts, the Jester, Cicero. One of Magnificent’s loyalist companions- and most annoying. She wasn’t fond of his way of speech, but she managed to swipe off the man’s special talk. His life and his dream is to be noticed by his sweet Night Mother, to hear her words to him. But those dreams were soon crushed after the realization that the person who was claimed Listener was Magnificent herself. Ever since the announcement, and the fall of their old sanctuary, he made a vow to stay by the vampire’s side along the way of her journey. Magnificent’s goals were very different comparing to Cicero’s, but she would be willing to give him the aid he needs like he gives to her in return. It’s difficult to understand her view upon the Night Mother, seeing how she is the Listener. The Night Mother sees something within her, as if she is what the Dark Brotherhood needed, what _she_ needed, and it was someone greater than them all, to be as powerful as Sithis and his own will. Magnificent didn’t understand it either, seeing how everyone was surprised to see the Listener would be not only the new face that was there for only a few weeks, but also to be the _Dragonborn._

The fact the legend, the hero of Tamriel, would choose to revive the Dark Brotherhood. Nonetheless, Magnificent took their pledge, and became their leader.  Ever since, she moved the Dark Brotherhood into a new beginning, a new home. The Night Mother is pleased of her efforts, and ever since then, Magnificent grew distant of others. The Night Mother knew that Magnificent has many other things to attend, and so the killings she desires for Sithis was scarce. Either way, the Dark Elf knew that she needed to be satisfied, so she would return after another long adventure. Cicero as well wanted to take chance of venturing across Skyrim with Magnificent, maybe learn new things and see new people. But his heart will always be within the Night Mother, and he’ll refuse to leave until she was tended to enough to last. Magnificent didn’t mind his love for the Night Mother, sure it tends to be concerning, but she knows what this poor jester has gone through in the younger years of his recruitment of the Dark Brotherhood. She did not want to let him down, hence why she stopped herself from killing Cicero when Astrid was still alive. May Sithis bless their souls. Now, Cicero and Magnificent are adventurers with dreams to follow, and they’ll do anything to get their hands on the goal to be achieved, but to also praise their lord Sithis and take orders from their sweet Night Mother. But we just call them idiots most of the time.

This is the story of two idiots of Skyrim.


	2. Leaving Riften

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small talk and shenanigans gone wrong, really.

Cicero and Magnificent tossed a key off the bridge from above, a hand catching it quickly.  
"Aye, that's Rolan's key alright. Thanks for the deal, lass. Don't waste that money on Skooma, would ya?"  
Magnificent shook her head, laughing. "Please, old man. I'm a mess, but not that much of a mess." She turned to Cicero, nodding to him. "Another job well done, let's go." Cicero saluted, twirling off to follow the road. Magnificent was whistling a tune as the two left the gates of Riften. Their walk was casual, in silence. Though Cicero was talking to himself as usual along the trail.  
"Ohohoho, here comes the jester, with his dagger! His Listener will help him whenever! Right, Listener?" Cicero hummed.  
"Sure, I guess." Magnificent blinked at Cicero, raising a brow, "You really depend on me nowadays ever since you've seen the dragon issue."  
Cicero shook his head, smiling. "Cicero isn't that much to rely on sweet Listener, but he enjoys to see you do your dragon-screaming!" He clapped his hands, and Magnificent rolled her eyes. The two were near the mountains, and Magnificent paused. "... Hang on, Cicero. Something's up." She puts an arm over him, having him pause on his tracks. Quickly, he pulled out his dagger in instinct.  
"Yes, Listener? Who is it?"  
"It's not who is it, it's _what._ " She pointed at a mammoth, grazing a small shrub. Cicero looked over, and gasped. "Oh, a mammoth! Cicero has never seen one so close up before!" He grew excited.  
"Yeah, and I'm feeling mischievous." She giggled, putting her daggers down and walked up to the mammoth, who didn't paid much attention to her presence.  
Cicero stood back, hiding behind a rock to observe what the stubborn vampire was going to do.  
She took two steps, taking in air. And with full force, she gave out her mighty dragon shout. The unrelenting force made the mammoth jump, giving a loud shriek in fear as it was pushed over, losing balance and falling over into the sharp shrubs.  
Cicero began to howl out a loud laugh, falling on his back to see the mammoth stuck. Magnificent turned to Cicero, smirking. "Ain't that so much fun?" She began to giggle, seeing the jester laugh like a true fool. Magnificent stood in confidence, unaware that Cicero's laughter was quickly cut off.   
"Listener."  
"Yeah, I know, it was amazing, don't need to notice I've made you laugh!"  
"Listener-"  
"Look, I know you ask a lot, but the Dragonborn is secret, s-"  
"LISTENER!"  
"By Sithis, WHAT?"  
Magnificent paused to feel a hot breath hit her head, her eyes widened. Turning her head up, she saw the disgustingly looking giant, teeth gritted into annoyance. _"Oh, that's what."_  
Cicero quickly grabbed Magnificent's hand and quickly pulled her out of it's aim, screaming. "RUN!"  
Magnificent finally gained sense and began bolting along with Cicero, ignoring the loud and shaking earth beneath them. The giant roared, slamming his stone mace into the ground to make the two jump in the air.  
"Listener, your shout, use your shout!"  
"I can't, that thing is twice my size, he'll kill me!"  
She looked around, seeing a small opening in the rocks. "Check it, a hide out! Follow me, Cic!" She took a sharp turn, Cicero trailing along. The giant wasn't giving up, it's pace increasing as it spotted where they were going. With all their might, Cicero and Magnificent slid into the hole, but without notice the hole had a large drop, having them land on soft dirt. The giant was too late, his large hand not capable of reaching in to grab anyone. With a snort of disappointment, it took it's leave.  
The two were laying flat in the dirt, some snow falling on them. It took a moment for them to wake up, getting up and shaking their heads to get the snow off.  
"Wow! Never expected that." Magnificent looked up at the crack of light, seeing the sun shine. With a hiss, she shuffled into the darkness, leaving Cicero in the light. "Well, Listener, that was so much fun! Can Cicero do it next?!"  
Magnificent blinked, and rolled her eyes. "No, Cicero. Looks like we'll have to take the long way home now... As if the sanctuary wasn't far enough." She mumbled, looking around. "Where are we, anyway?"  
"Another hidden temple, Cicero thinks." Cicero stood up, turning his head to a torch. "Seems like we have treasure to take home with us, Listener!" He walked over, seeing a damaged desk with ruined books and empty vials. Magnificent looked over, walking up to him. "What's that?"  
"Just a bunch of old stuff..." Cicero tapped his chin.  
"No, that!" She pointed at a yellow book, it's runes showing a dragon head. She took the book, reading it to herself. Cicero watched her, slowly scooting over and lean onto her shoulder, reading along with her. "Hold up... This is the book about the Dragon Priests!"  
Cicero jumped up. "Dragon who?"  
"Dragon priests! You know, the Dragonborn before me? This is legendary!" Magnificent held out the book, laughing. "This is the book to start my hunt!"  
Cicero frowned, not enjoying the idea. "Listener, what hunt? Is this for the Night Mother?"  
Magnificent turned to Cicero, brow furrowing.  
"What? No, this is my life here! I want to be the legend everyone talks about for centuries, Cicero! This can spark my beginning!" She shakes the book to Cicero, his hand shoving it down to see her face. "Listener, don't forget about the Dark Brotherhood, you are the Night Mother's importance! Why would you stop now?"  
"Cicero, this isn't my end of my loyalty to my brothers and sisters, in fact, this is going to improve the Brotherhood!"  
Cicero raised a brow. "How?"  
"Duh, if I'm powerful, nothing can get in my way! As Listener, we can be unstoppable!"  
Cicero took a moment to think, staring into the darkness for a few seconds.  
"... Cicero?"  
"..." His eyes widened, turning to Magnificent with a gasp. "Which means the Dark Brotherhood will live on forever!"  
Magnificent snapped her fingers, nodding to his answer. "Exactly!" Cicero jumped, taking the book. "Then Cicero will support it! We have dragon-y, priest-y people to kill!" He clicked his heels, and Magnificent took the book back. "Sure, let's go with that." Magnificent nodded, turning to the door. "Come on, let's get out of here and tell Mother the news."  
Cicero turned to Magnificent, clapping. "Cicero is on it, Listener!"


End file.
